January Letter to Satō Haruo from Dazai Osamu

Written January 28th 1936. The letter measured over four metres in length. Translated by Laurie Raye.

Source: 辻本雄一 監修・河野龍也 編著『佐藤春夫読本』（勉誠出版、2015年）(記憶の宮殿)

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Dear Sir,

Even now, I think no matter what kind of letter I write the outcome will be the same. Resigned to my fate, I have remained at a standstill, but since pain and despair have gotten the better of me, please allow me to make one final request.

For the last year the Akutagawa Prize has been playing on my mind, more or less completely engulfing every aspect of my life. Even if I attempt to drive such thoughts out of my head, it just ends up becoming an increasingly complicated situation that feels like the more I struggle against it, awkwardly and unnaturally, the more strongly connected I become. I humbly request your judicious insight on the situation. Since the start of the year I have been confined to my home, pacing restlessly day after day. Just a short time ago, the short story entitled ‘The God of Farce’ finally emerged from the pages of my notebook, and starting in February I intend to carefully complete any final edits. Throwing myself at your feet, I humbly implore you to consider it for the second Akutagawa Prize. I am certain that I am able to become an excellent writer. Your kindness in this matter will never be forgotten. In the latter half of last year, from July until December, I published four short stories:

• ‘Toys’ and another work (20 pages), July issue of Sakuhin 
• ‘Monkey Island’ (18 pages), September issue of Bungakukai
• ‘Das Gemeine’ (65 pages), October issue of Bungei Shunjū
• ‘World Map’ (18 pages), December issue of Shinchō

In addition to these, ‘The Pillow Crook’ (18 pages) was published in the January issue of Shinchō this year. Around the same time that I was shortlisted for the Akutagawa Prize, I intended to publish a revised version of an old manuscript entitled ‘Memories’ (80 pages) in Bungei Shunjū, and I have already sent it to the Editor-in-Chief Mr Washio Yōzō. I have considerable confidence in ‘Memories’. If the upcoming Akutagawa Prize were to also pass me by, then I must once again wander in the fog of despair.

Please, you must help me! Mr Satō, I beg you, do not forget me. Please do not leave me to die. I am putting my life in your hands right now. I feel such shame and wretchedness, as if I am dying, but sending a letter like this was an essential attempt at survival, so I tell myself, and for this reason I wrote this letter with all my heart and soul. Not giving up, not being lazy, working hard even at trivial things and devoting oneself diligently to a task is not something to be ashamed of, on the contrary I actually believe it is a beautiful thing. 

Now, within the limits I have allowed myself, I believe I have accomplished everything I set out to do. As for the rest, I calmly entrust myself to fate.

Due to the cold my hands are frozen, and I have committed the crime of sullying your vision with my poor handwriting; I hope you will kindly forgive me.

Yours sincerely,

Dazai Osamu

January 28th (A very auspicious day)

P.S. When I heard the news of Mr Ikuta Chōkō‘s passing I didn’t do anything special, though I did spend the entire day reading out loud his translation of Dante’s Divine Comedy. I felt truly and deeply disheartened. I offer my deepest sympathies on your loss. 

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Dazai’s next letter to Satō can be read here.